


Always

by PrinceSnoozy



Series: HurtNoctWeek [5]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Biting, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Grinding, HurtNoctWeek, IgNoct, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mention of Noctluna, Ohohoho, Porn with Feelings, Sad Handjobs, Self-Worth Issues, i died writing this, kissing while crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:48:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceSnoozy/pseuds/PrinceSnoozy
Summary: Noctis is sad and there's just no helping him.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Hurt Noct Week Day 5: Noct struggles with grief vs duty after Altissia.
> 
> My first fic written live in the Night Sky discord server. I'd like to personally apologize to Gin for subjecting her to this.

He was suffocating, having not left the hotel room for days, or maybe it was weeks. It's not like he had been keeping track, his only sense of normalcy and the passage the time being the coming and going of his companions. And that's what he dreaded most of all; he could feel Prompto's pitied stares even if he didn't look at him, and could hear his desperate attempts to lighten the tension even a little bit. He could hear Gladio shifting uncomfortably at the edge of the room, his annoyance with whatever this _thing_ was obvious even if he tried to hide it. And Ignis...  
  
Noctis shook his head, sighing as he ran a hand over his face. A look around the room revealed he was alone, that his friends weren't in here silently judging him for hiding away from everything that happened, everything that he caused. He looked down in his other hand, the ring that had been given to him who-knows-when sitting on his palm. He hissed through his teeth and closed his fist around it, squeezing his eyes shut as the threat of tears returned.  
  
_Luna..._  
  
He couldn't cry, not again. The notebook-- _their_ notebook-- was long out of sight, hidden in a drawer somewhere he wouldn't accidentally find it. He sat back against the headboard, the memory of Luna handing him the ring entering his mind on its own again. They'd said it was a dream, her way of saying goodbye to him, but the sylleblossom was in the book, the ring was in his hand, and it was the last thing of Luna he had to hold onto. Even if it was a dream, or a vision, he didn't care. He'd been so close, the closest he'd been in years, and he still couldn't reach her, no matter how hard he'd tried. Despite himself, he curled into his knees, tears falling from his eyes and down his cheeks.  
  
A fumbling at the doorknob got his attention before the silent tears turned to sobs. He sat up, wiping frantically at his eyes and cheeks. He slipped the ring back in his pocket just as the door opened, accompanied by the knocking of a cane against the floor and door. His eyes darted instinctively to the door, but he averted them immediately, focusing instead on his hands.  
  
"Noct?" Ignis asked, turning from the door, his motions stiff. "Are you here?"  
  
"Hey, Specs," Noctis replied with a sigh, leaning back against the headboard again with a soft thud.  
  
Ignis made his way carefully toward the bed, not bothering to use his cane. He reached the barrel chair that sat near the foot of the bed and ran right into it, his foot catching on the chair's leg and his arms flailing slightly as he fell forward. With a gasp, Noctis scrambled to his feet from the bed, darting straight to Ignis, who now was half-hanging over the back of the chair, holding himself up with one hand on the back of it while the other clutched his cane. Noct reached out and touched a hand to Ignis's shoulder, but Ignis batted him away.  
  
"I'm quite alright, Noct," he said matter-of-factly, pushing himself up with caution. "Someone must have moved the chair."  
  
"Are you sure?" Noct asked, a lump forming in his throat again. "That looked... it didn't look good."  
  
"Nothing that could make me worse for wear."  
  
Ignis took a moment, fiddling his cane about the chair until he hit a clearing. He stepped foward, still seeming stiff, and started toward the automann that Noctis associated too much with him now. Noctis reached for his arm to stop him, though in doing so Ignis lost his balance, stumbling sideways and bumping into Noct, who, in turn, stumbled into the bed. He caught himself on one arm, the other still holding onto Ignis's. The bed had shifted just enough to make a scraping noise on the floor, and Noctis took in a sharp breath as Ignis adjusted his arm to around Noct's arm to gently cup his elbow.  
  
"Noct, are you alright?" Ignis said breathlessly, his voice sounding tight. He braced himself on Noct's arm and leaned forward, an old habit from over the years to get a closer look. "If you're hurt show-- tell me where."  
  
It was too much. Noctis clenched his jaw, tears pricking at his sore eyes, and yanked his arm away, gaining a surprised and almost anguished gasp from Ignis. He dropped onto the bed, sitting with his fists clenched on his knees. Quiet sobs tore up through his throat, even as he tried to silent them, and he soon found himself with a hand on his head, searching through his hair and down onto his face, where they paused.  
  
"Noct," Ignis breathed, his voice slightly broken. "My apologies, I--"  
  
"No, Iggy," Noctis whispered, his voice cracking with a sob. "I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"F-For... all of this." He sniffed and lowered his head slightly, another sob escaping as Ignis's thumb caressed his cheek. "All of this happened because of me, because of my duty, and now Luna, she's... gone, when I was supposed to be there for her, and now you're..." His voice trailed off in another sob, and his shoulders slumped forward. "I'm sorry."  
  
Ignis remained quiet, and Noctis could hear him breathing slowly and deliberately. His hand left his face, and Noct swallowed back a sob, working his hands against each other in an attempt to soothe himself. Ignis moved around him slowly, his hand feeling about for the bed. His hand bumped into Noct's thigh and he withdrew it slightly, only to sit down inches away on the mattress, to Noct's left. He sat his cane aside before leaning foward on his thighs.  
  
"You're not to blame," he said quietly, his tone heavy. "The sacrifices we have all made have been of our own volition."  
  
Noctis felt his heart drop in his chest, his jaw clenching together as he fought back more sobs. He looked up to his friend, seeing only his profile, his unseeing gaze elsewhere.  
  
"Iggy," he whispered, his eyes narrowing. "No one would've had to sacrifice anything if... if I wasn't..."  
  
"Don't you dare say things would be better if you weren't here," Ignis said firmly, his tone low in his throat. "I won't have it."  
  
"Ig..." he whined, choking on a sob, his breath coming out in a painful wheeze. "I'm sorry, I'm just... I mean..." He sniffled and leaned into Ignis's shoulder, feeling him stiffen slightly for a moment. He acted like he didn't notice and nuzzled into Ignis's neck and shoulder. "...I'm sorry."  
  
Ignis was quiet for awhile, his face kept forward and his breathing even. Noct continued to whimper into his collar, and he clenched his teeth together to steel himself against the realization that Ignis hadn't so much as moved. He reached out and gripped at the printed dress shirt, pulling himself in closer. Ignis grunted slightly, finally pulling his arms away from where he'd had them leaning against his legs to wrap one around Noctis's back, the other laying gently over the hand that Noct grasped his shirt with.  
  
"I loved her, Iggy," Noctis said quietly, his voice muffled by the shirt he'd stuck his face in. "I loved her so much."  
  
He felt Ignis's shoulder slump minutely under him, and the hand wrapped around his own tightened its grip slightly. Ignis leaned his head against his, and the added warmth wrenched another sob out of him, his face burying itself more into Ignis's neck. He felt breath against his hair, less even than before, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment to stave off the wave of other emotions that came over him.  
  
"I know," Ignis whispered gently, giving his hand a soft squeeze. "It's... good to hear you finally say it."  
  
Noctis sniffed again, pulling his face away from Ignis's collar just enough to look up into his face. He swallowed back a noise of surprise, as he'd yet to see the extent of the scarring from this close. Guilt washed over him again, somehow forcing more tears from his eyes and down his cheeks, as he reached up and touched the edge of the scar that marred the left side of Ignis's face. It was just barely healed, still pink with inflammation around the edges, a pink that spread quickly to the both of Ignis's cheeks.  
  
"Noct," Ignis breathed, sounding cautious. He didn't pull away, however, and Noctis felt a small flame of confidence spread over him.  
  
"Can we take these off?" Noct asked, his hand brushing against the side of the dark glasses that still shielded Ignis's eyes.  
  
"I..." Ignis swallowed thickly, then coughed to clear his throat. "Are you sure? I'm certain it's not a pretty sight."  
  
"I wanna see," Noct insisted firmly. "Please, Iggy."  
  
"Alright," Ignis sighed. He seemed to hold his breath as Noctis removed the glasses and set them aside on the automann.  
  
Noctis looked up into his face, his breath catching in his throat as he ran his eyes slowly over the scars. Red and angry, the large one that completely obliterated his left eye stood out the most. He ran his fingers over it again gently, being careful not to press too hard as he passed over the closed eye. Ignis hummed in his throat as Noctis ran his thumb over the ragged top edge of the scar, his other eye sliding closed.  
  
Noctis let his hand fall away from Ignis's eye and instead ran it down over his neck, bracing it there as he leaned upward, his nose brushing against Ignis's just enough that Ignis gasped and pulled back. Noct let out a small whine of frustration, tightening his grip on Ignis's neck as he tried again.  
  
"Noct..." Ignis warned, startling Noctis slightly by bumping his fingers against Noct's forearm before he wrapped his hand around it. His other arm moved to Noct's shoulder, where it held him at the inches of distance that were still too far away. "This... isn't appropriate."  
  
"I know, sorry." Noctis let his shoulders fall slightly, averting his gaze to the side. "Are... are you mad at me?" He could hear his voice break, weary from crying, and he started to pull his hand away.  
  
Ignis stopped him, holding his arm firm. Noctis knew he couldn't see him, yet he could still feel a stern gaze on him, and it was comforting, but also intense. He felt exposed, even moreso when the hand on his shoulder slid its way toward his neck and up to his jaw, where he leaned into it. A thumb caressed his face, much like earlier, though this time deft fingers urged him to tilt his face upward. His eyes darted forward just in time to see just how _close_ Ignis had gotten, most of his vision taken up by a scar. He hovered just out of reach, breath hot on Noctis's face as the longing pulled at his chest.  
  
"I'm not mad at you," Ignis said, a husky tone deepening his voice. "It's not appropriate, but if it'll help..."  
  
" _Please_."  
  
Ignis let out a breath on his face, hand tightening at his neck. He leaned in to close the distance, and Noctis adjusted with him to catch his lips with his own. He whined in his throat as relief washed over him, replaced soon by an intense tingling warmth. He sought more, working his lips against Ignis's with a hunger and confidence he couldn't explain, because this was _Ignis_. He met no resistance, either, and it was Ignis who pulled him closer, and it was Ignis who deepened the kiss, lapping gently at his lips before Noctis allowed access. He whined and followed suit, and brought in a sharp breath as Ignis hummed against his mouth.  
  
A moan rose and died in his throat as their tongues explored and tasted each other, the room growing hot as he lost himself. It was all too much, and yet somehow not enough, and somewhere in the chaos Noctis had climbed onto Ignis's lap, Ignis's hands holding him close at his hips. He tightened his grip with both hands on Ignis's face to almost bruising force, and Ignis responded by nipping at his bottom lip and tugging his hips down flush with his and _grinded_.  
  
Noctis choked on a whine and pulled back slightly, drawn to Ignis's skin near his scar. He planted slow and desperate kisses along the marred skin, ghosting his lips over a closed eyelid and up over the remains of an eyebrow. He choked on another whine and part of a moan as Ignis found his neck with his mouth somehow, teeth raking against his skin.  
  
It wasn't until Noctis choked on another moan that Ignis pulled one hand away from his hip and felt upward, finding his cheek and repeating that thumb caress again.  
  
"Noct," Ignis said breathlessly, his voice still coated with lust. "Perhaps we should... stop."  
  
"I'm fine, Iggy," Noctis replied just as breathless, letting out a whine of frustration as Ignis's hand stilled his attempts to grind down.  
  
"I may have lost my vision, but I've not lost my other senses." Ignis ran his thumb up toward Noct's eye, wiping at fresh tears that startled Noctis as they smeared wet against his cheek. "You're crying again. We should stop."  
   
"No, I'm fine," Noctis insisted shakily, even as more hot tears spilled down his face.  
  
"Noct."  
  
"Really, I'm okay." He wrapped his arms around Ignis's neck, leaning forward slowly until their foreheads touched. "I need this... I need _you_." His voice cracked through another sob he killed in his throat, swallowing hard around it. "You've always been here and I feel like I'm being ripped apart because it feels like... like you're not here anymore. I need to feel like you are, even if..."  
  
He couldn't stop the sob this time, all of his confused and conflicting feelings and grief clamping down on his chest. He leaned more into Ignis's forehead, and felt the hand on his face wander to the back of his head and hold him there.  
  
"Noct--"  
  
"Even if I can't hold myself together, I need to know that you still... that you still want me." He sniffled, feeling his face grow hot and his throat tighten from embarrassment. "Not just like this, but..."  
  
"I do want you, Noct, how you are now, and always. " Ignis said before the trailed off sentence could continue. "I swore to stand by you, and oath be damned I still want to."  
  
Noctis whimpered against Ignis's face, bringing in a shuddering breath as he brought his hands up through tawny blond hair. Ignis shifted his head slightly, kissing at the edge of Noct's mouth before finding it fully. He pressed up gently, and Noctis hummed against his mouth, another tear running down his cheek. A hand found his thigh and ran up it slowly, and when it shifted over he gasped as the sudden pressure sent pleasure through his spine.  
  
"Tell me that you're sure of this," Ignis breathed against his lips, barely a whisper. "And know there is no turning back once we've finished."  
  
Noctis whined again, grinding against the hand that held him. He wanted so bad to lose himself in the pleasure right then, with Ignis's hand over his clothes. His head fell back slightly, Ignis's hand sliding down to support his neck, and he groaned through his teeth as he bucked again.  
  
"Noct," Ignis said firmly. "I need to hear you say it."  
  
"I want this," he managed to sigh out through the overwhelming haze. "I mean... you want it, too, right? With me?"  
  
" _Gods, yes_ ," Ignis growled from deep in his throat, shifting his hand against Noctis through his fatigues and squeezed. "For so very long."  
  
"Then..." Noct hesitated, but his head hazed over ever more with lust and something deeper, and he dipped his hand down to the front of Ignis's trousers and mimicked how Ignis was grabbing him now, somehow satisfied with just how hard Ignis was underneath his hand. "Give into it with me." He pressed down a bit harder, and Ignis groaned. "Please."  
  
Noctis got his answer with sudden hungry kiss, his hums and startled moans swallowed as Ignis all but devoured him. The hand that cupped him now fumbled at his waistband, finding it and the top edge of his boxers. They were pulled away and down slowly, his hardened cock creating tension on his clothing that Ignis was no doubt using to navigate. That doubt became a certainty when he suddenly sprung free from the fabric and Ignis released his clothes.  
  
Ignis braced his hand against the back of Noctis's neck with his other hand as he felt up to where his cock hung free and gave it a tentative stroke. Noctis gasped harshly through his teeth, tears pricking at his eyes again. All the tension had allowed him to leak so much pre-cum that Ignis's hand ran over him fluidly, the pleasure so sudden and wanted that he had to brace himself on Ignis's shoulder with his free hand. He leaned down into Ignis's neck on the opposite side from his own hand, letting out another choked gasp as Ignis moved his hand again and again, falling into a languid rhythm that overwhelmed his senses.  
  
He fought through the haze to fumble with Ignis's belt one-handed and somehow pull it free, working open the clasp and zipper soon after. Ignis groaned into his hair as he pulled his cock free, and one stroke of his hand revealed that Ignis was in no better shape than him: painfully aroused and leaking. He tightened his grip just so and stroked upward hard, and Ignis bucked up into his hand. He repeated the motion again, then found a rhythm in it, and he was rewarded with Ignis shifting his grip and strokes enough that his vision whited out with stars.  
  
Ignis's grip tightened on his neck again, pulling him in closer as his movements became uncontrolled and sloppy, though Noctis was so slick that it felt too good, and he couldn't help the desperate whine that escaped his throat. Ignis bucked harder into his hand that time, letting out a growl into his ear.  
  
"Noct... I'm--" Ignis gasped again before he could finish speaking, trailing off into a long groan as he went taut and came between them, and Noctis tried to catch most of it in his hand.  
  
To Noctis's surprise, Ignis's hand didn't falter at all during his orgasm, and instead worked him harder, bringing him to climax so suddenly that he bit into the flesh that joined Ignis's neck with his shoulder and groaned loud, even with it muffled. Ignis panted against his hair as Noctis came down from the high, aware they'd made quite the mess between them without having to look at it.  
  
With a small grunt, Ignis half-pried Noctis off of his neck, where Noctis figured he'd left a pretty nasty bruise. Ignis felt up with his dry hand and felt at Noctis's face, and with how carefully he did so, it was obvious to Noctis that he was doing his best to wipe the tears away before they dried. Adoration swelled in his exhausted body as he relaxed down onto Ignis's lap and took his lips again, slowly and with more care than before, Ignis's hand wiping the tears away as they fell.  
  
"Stay with me?" Noctis pleaded, clinging to Ignis's face with his clean hand.  
  
Ignis hesitated, joining their lips together again for a moment before he answered.  
  
"Always."

**Author's Note:**

> ...follow me on tumblr @prince-snoozy?


End file.
